Jealous co-worker
By Joan Lloyd
Dear Joan:
I work in a small group of six, for a university project that
is contracted out by the state. We are a field-based project
and are contractually required to work in the state office.
One of my teammates (also works for the university) who, when I
started a year ago was in the same position as me, an educational
specialist. A few months later she was promoted to senior
educational specialist, but, by no means, was my boss. When
we work on new projects together, it has been requested by our
supervisor that we all work as 'a team' and on the same level
(there are three other senior educational specialists. I'm the only
educational specialist).
At first, everything was fine, but my boss has always sung my
praises because I work hard, perform well, and my learning
curve has come around quickly. It seems that the better
I do, the more irritated and rude my co-worker becomes to me.
We've come to a head a few times, but arguing with her is
futile. I have gone to my boss and she acknowledges the
problem with my co-worker and, as it may have crossed a line, bad
mouthed her, calling her a prima donna. Just recently, my
boss brought her up on disciplinary action, for offending another
co-worker. However, she is still here and continually rude to
me, giving me nasty glares, dismissing me and the work that I do,
including making comments in front of our team at meetings, calling
my work insignificant.
The other factor that I can mention, that I would never
flaunt, but I think plays a part, is that I am 28 and she is 43,
and I am equal in education level and work quality. I also
recently got married, have a house, and as a result of having grown
up in an affluent family, had some experiences that others haven't,
including her. To my fault, I have excitedly talked about
some of the trips I have gone on, and things I have done, not
realizing that it might have come off as bragging, when I didn't
mean it to be. I have gathered that this is a sore spot for
her, since she has made snide comments about it to me in
passing.
I am not sure how to remedy this situation. I can't
speak directly to her because she won't be receptive to it (I've
tried). My boss has recently gotten tougher on her with the
disciplinary action (which I think might have come as result from a
conversation we had about how I can't understand how this woman is
allowed to get away with the comments she makes). I think my
boss gives me preferential treatment, which has been earned,
however, this women resents it. This has actually started
affecting productivity of the team because we cannot work together
on projects.
I don't know how to fix this, or if it is even worth
fixing. Do you have any words of wisdom you could share?
Answer:
In spite of her age, education and capability, your co-worker
has taken direct aim at her own foot. In fact, she has shot herself
in the foot repeatedly, since her boss has written her up for being
inappropriate with other co-workers, as well.
You can’t help it that you won the gene pool, but
I’m glad you recognize those less fortunate might feel
envious. At work, you’re wise to tone down talk about your
economic advantages. I agree that it probably fanned your
co-worker’s flames of resentment. Her behavior suggests that
she feels insecure and strikes out when others outperform her, or
seem “better” than her in any way.
Your best course of action is to continue to work well with
the rest of the team (who doubtless feel the same way you do about
this co-worker) and leave the rest to your manager. Don’t get
sucked into the drama. Stay above it and continue to focus on your
good work. The more you distance yourself from her, and continue to
perform, the worse her behavior will probably become.
© 2009
